A Second Chance
by chickpeamartini
Summary: <html><head></head>Red and Lizzie are in a relationship with a child of their own... when the unthinkable happens, something that threatens to turn their life shared together as Lizzie knows it to ruins when their son goes mysteriously missing. First Blacklist fic.*waves* Feedback very much welcome for this nervous writer.</html>


**Hi, **

**I've been watching the Blacklist non-stop since first discovering it, and I'm really loving the show. I've been thinking about writing a story like this for quite a while, but I didn't know if I was going to be able to do it and actually get something down. I'm not totally sure if I have everyone right in character, and this is a future-fic, where Elizabeth and Red have a child together, a son, and are in an established relationship with each other. I'm not sure if its a bad job. Let me know**

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><p><em><strong>A Second Chance <strong>_

_**Chapter 1**_

Their little boy looks so much like his father.

No, her too. Parts of them. Both of them.

It almost makes up for Red's absence, his time away.

Their little boy cries out to her, making sure she's watching from where she sits at the bench across from him in the park, as he pushes his tiny feet on the ground, going higher and higher on the swing. "Look, Mommy," he says excitedly, "Look, I'm doing it!"

She is looking, and for a moment, it feels too much for her. So overwhelming, the joy swelling her heart, making her feel whole.

Like many times over the course of four years, she is stunned again, surprised at how they got here, to this, to having his child, a child of their own together.

But life is unpredictable, often in the best of ways, and this is another mysterious part of it.

"I'm looking," she calls out to him. "Look at you go, Sammy!"

It's amazing how having a child of your own can change your goals, your priorities. The world suddenly isn't about you anymore, its about them. A dramatic change; her first time being a mother, and the role fit her as easily as slipping on a pair of snug-fitting gloves.

She knew she loved him, even before she first laid eyes on him, this real living miracle of a thing. When he was growing inside her, and things started to take shape, fitting perfectly into place, she knew she loved him, even then. Even when he was nothing but a grey swirl, a galaxy; a strange and foreign image on the monitor at his first ultrasound.

Even before Red and her had finally settled on a name for him, to make him more real.

She thinks back to that day, peering down at the patch of short grass near her shoes, and smiles to herself. It went from something they'd barely discussed with each other, into a topic randomly brought about in the open, two weeks before she was due.

000

_Sitting in a hotel room on the sofa, huddled under a comfortable flannel blanket, the skin on her stomach stretched tight and swollen; a round mountain she took with her everywhere she went, hand caressing the center of it protectively._

_"You know we have to pick out a name for him sooner or later, right?"_

_She broaches the subject with Red one night, after he's finished with a phone call from outside on the balcony. He comes in, hands the phone to Dembe, and finally she sees and makes out his features as the lights from inside spill on him as he turns to look at her. He looks reluctant. He looks unenthused. Most of all, he looks worn out from all the worrying he's done lately to see to it that everything goes according to plan._

_"Let's stop dodging this," she encourages, kicking her bare feet out from under the blanket to give her toes room to move, to breathe. "I don't want to have to waste time picking a name for him when he's already out, Red."_

_He doesn't answer her. He simply steps closer to where she's laying, kneels, and brings his hand up. Red hesitates for a beat, and she notices it, before he puts his hand under the blanket, runs his hand over her taunt belly._

_It's as if he's scared to even do that, as if he thinks acknowledging it will cause something bad to happen, some terrible deed to fall upon them and hurt the baby. But Liz knows and feels better. This is the safest time to discuss this, as the complications are largely reduced and cut in half now. Two weeks are all they'll have to wait, and then its real, it's happening. Besides, what kid would be pleased to find out their name was selected in a spur of the moment thing? Something randomly picked out of a hat without much thought or preparation for in advance?_

_While Red hasn't commented much on what they were going to be potentially going through two weeks from now, Liz knows he's just as happy and pleased as she is. Quietly. He's quietly._

_"What name do you have in mind, Lizzie?" he asks her after a moment, and as if the boy can hear his voice and recognize it, his Daddy, all the way from inside of her, the baby kicks, hard, right under where his hand is, and Red starts with a sharp inhale, and looks up at her, amazed, the first time he has kicked for him._

_"You felt that, huh?" She murmurs, her voice soft, breathless. "He finally kicked for you. I think he likes and recognizes the sound of your voice."_

_He's holding his breath and touching her stomach, and Liz thinks there is nothing more beautiful and poignant than the sight of a father-to-be at last luxuriating in and coming to grips with the fact that he is going to be a father, again._

_"What name do you have in mind for him, Lizzie?" Red asks her again very quietly, not meeting her eyes, voice sounding strained from experiencing that brief little miracle._

_Liz's throat tightens and she hesitates, not sure if she should say it aloud. She's been stuck on the name for a while now, though she's unsure how Red will feel about it. It seems right to her, though. A perfect choice. "Well, I was thinking on..." She cringes. "I was actually thinking on the name Sam. How would you feel about that?"_

_"Sam," he says, and he repeats it a few times, as if getting a taste for it, the feel of it. "Sam, as in your-"_

_"-As in my father, yes," she explains hastily. "I don't know how you'd feel about that, though. Does that seem all right?"_

_Her eyes flit to his face as he strokes her stomach and he looks at her for a long time before speaking._

_"I think calling him Sam is a wonderful idea, Lizzie," he finally says. "I'm sure Sam would think it an honor."_

_Sam._

_So they'll have a son called Sam, and then everything will be real._

000

When it happens, it happens two days later than scheduled.

_She finds it hard to walk, she feels so heavy, so weighed down by this overdue child in her belly. Grown frustrated and restless by sitting in-doors in their hotel room all day, Liz demands getting up and going outside for a walk and some fresh air. A change of scenery seems very appealing to her. So does some movement, and fresh air, and a chance to stretch her legs. She wonders how she possibly got herself in this situation. Well, she knows how exactly, but she's surprised she's been able to hold on for so long without going crazy from all chaotic hormonal changes and all the weird aches and pains._

_She used to be able to walk up a flight of stairs easily, without so much as even breaking a sweat. Run, even. Now, simply walking with Red around the park and strolling at a light and casual pace, she feels breathless and sore even after less than five minutes of activity. She wants it out. She wants the baby out of her right now, she decides to herself, and she might have even said as much to Red in the heat of the moment._

_"Maybe this wasn't the brightest idea you've had, sweetheart?" he says to her, hand firmly holding her elbow as they walk, Liz feeling very much like an unfit, waddling duck. "Perhaps we should think of going back to the room?"_

_When she meets his eyes, she finds him staring at her. His forehead pinched and eyes creased with worry. He's the reason she's going through this right now. He's the reason she's pregnant, like this. This is all his fault._

_She grunts at him, shaking her head. "No," she protests. "I want some fresh air. If we get back to the room and I sit down again, I don't think I'm ever going to be able to get back up again. Let's just keep walking."_

_He squints at her. "Are you sure?" he asks, skeptical._

_"I'm sure," she assures him. "I'm tired of sitting around all day."_

_She can tell he isn't completely sold on the idea, but too bad. It's his problem, and she wants to walk around and breathe in the fresh air, goddamn it. It's all right for him... Not the one pregnant and having to deal with this..._

_After a moment, he relents, letting her win, and they begin moving again slowly._

_"Let me know if it gets too much for you," Red says, nodding, his voice soothing and low. "When it does, we'll turn around and return to the room. There is really no need to exert yourself."_

_As if on cue, she feels it; a sharp pain in her midsection and the strangest sensation of something leaking. An entirely unpleasant feeling, a wetness between her legs. She stops walking dramatically and lets out a whoosh of air between her teeth, afraid to look down and really acknowledge what has just happened and what it all means for her._

_"Oh God, oh Jesus," she moans weakly, holding herself still and rigid, and when Red turns to look at her, she sees the recognition in his eyes immediately. "I think it's happening right now. My water just... I think it just broke."_

_"Stay calm," he tells her, though its easier said than done. "Just stay calm. Let's just get you over to a seat and then I'll call an ambulance, Lizzie. Try to relax."_

_With a silent and calming rub on her back, Red leads her over to the nearest bench they can find in the park, and Liz feels even more like a waddling duck; She's too afraid to move too much and she doesn't want anything to accelerate it, not until they reach the hospital and she has people around her with experience in the field of assisting with childbirth at least._

_He leaves her alone sitting on the bench as he stands back and dials for the ambulance, explaining their situation and their current whereabouts. It's odd; Liz has been excited and dying for this moment to happen, yet now that it's finally here, she takes all her wishing back. Despite all the pregnancy books she's glossed over, the countless number of women she didn't know retelling their firsthand experiences with childbirth, all the time she spent mentally preparing herself- it was all a wasted effort._

_Nothing could prepare her for this._

_This is going to hurt beyond words and its going to change her and Red's life forever. Nothing will be the same again._

_"Lizzie, they're on their way," Red informs her with some relief, and she nods, mashing her lips together. Too afraid to so much as even talk, in case something happens._

_The contraction pains go on, getting more and more intense than the last, and Liz knows, beyond the shade of a doubt, that her body is telling her its time, its time to have this boy they've been so waiting eagerly to meet, Liz admittedly more impatiently than Red on that._

_When Red sits next to her on the bench she reaches over and takes his hand, clenching it hard in hers. A confusing array of emotions wash over her for him then; She hates him, resents him on some level because she's suffering, going through this all thanks to him, this all his fault, the bastard. Yet, oppositely, she's pleased he's here with her while it's happening. If there is anyone she can rely on to help her through this, its him and she wouldn't have wanted it any other way. She leans against him, holding his hand in a vice-like grip as another contraction comes on, and he's her rock right now, centering her and hushing her gently._

_"Whatever you do, don't leave me," she says to him._

_"I'm not going anywhere, Lizzie," he promises, seeming to know all the right words she needs to hear. She looks over at him, eyes lingering on his mouth. He squeezes her hand. "I'll be right there in the room with you, every step of the way."_

_Her eyes remain on his mouth for a long moment, and then she hears the noise, breaking through the air._

_She hears the sirens from the ambulance in the not-too-faraway distance, and it's like receiving a message from God; how profound her gratitude is that they are coming._

_"I'm scared, Red," she pants. "I'm so very scared. I don't know if I can go through with this."_

_"Well, I don't think you have a choice in the matter, sweetheart," he says to her gently. "He seems perfectly eager to come out now. No matter what happens, you're going to be fine."_

_The ambulance arrives at true last, and in they go, Liz still gripping Red's hand in a bone-shattering embrace. She won't let him go, she refuses to. Not even for one damn minute. No way is she going through this on her own._

_Afterwards, six draining hours later, Liz feels numb and tired from the drugs they've slipped into her to make the birth less painful as she lays on the bed, I.V machine going and needle in the crook of her arm. The pain has left her for the time being, but she knows once the drugs wear off, it'll be back again to greet her and give her hell._

_But all of that hardly seems to matter; Baby Sam is out, squirming and exhausted near her chest as she holds him, as if he is drained and exhausted from the sheer stress and mental labor of everything himself. He's at a healthy birth weight according to the nurse that weighed him, and it's impossible to tell who he looks more like; Herself or Red. His face is too tiny, its impossible to work out any resemblance._

_But if there is one thing she knows most of, while holding him close, its that she loves him. She's heard about unconditional love and how a mother immediately falls in love with her child, but experiencing it for herself and within such a short level of time... it's astonishing._

_She's almost in her own world, staring admiringly at Sam- this amazing little human that was inside her for so long- until she feels Red lean over on the bed and kiss her on her forehead. "Your turn," she says quietly, remembering and simultaneously realizing she's hogging their son. "Hold your son." Awkwardly, she sits up and transfers the baby into Red's arms, and there's something about seeing Raymond Reddington holding their newborn son that gets to her. Sam's tiny hands move, searching for something to touch, and Red's smiling at him, smiling in a way Liz has never seen him smile before. She's seen him smile a lot of times, sure, but this particular one transforms his face brilliantly._

_"What do you think of our son?" she asks him._

_"He's beautiful," Red tells her, voice deep and wavering with emotion. "Absolutely beautiful. Exactly like his mother."_

_There's a gentle knock on the door and Dembe lets himself in, carrying two bouquets of white roses in and a congratulatory balloon. Liz can't imagine the man going out on his own limb to do that for her; She suspects its all Red's doing. Liz; Groggy with sleep and blinking heavily, finds it so heartwarming the way even the usually stoic and intimidating Dembe cracks a smile and visibly melts at the baby Red is holding delicately in his arms bundled in a sheet._

_It all feels so surreal to her, like a dream. In the best possible way._

_If this is a dream, then it is the best and most peacefully pleasant dream she has ever had._

_"It's over," she mutters softly, lowly, mostly to herself. "It's finally over. Can't say I'm tempted to ever do that again."_

_She watches sleepily as Red and Dembe coo to the baby and talk among themselves, and she's floating, floating on a pink cloud of happy wellbeing. She never expected this to happen. If you had asked her where she expected her life would go, she definitely wouldn't have anticipated it to turn out like this. With Reddington, evolving into more than just partners, but life mates, now new parents. Her vision starts to blur and her eyes feel grainy and heavy and she can't hold off sleep any longer so she lets herself drift off, figuring it couldn't possibly hurt._

_Now their family was complete. It may have been a dysfunctional one, where Daddy was a criminal and Mommy was an FBI drop-out._ _But to Liz, it was still the very greatest thing she could have ever hoped for._

000

She lifts her eyes, expecting to see her boy on the swing, pushing with his feet to get higher, high enough to reach the clear blue sky they're having today in the park. She expects to hear him calling out to her- "_Mommy, look at me!" - _and she's ready, adopting an impressed expression on her face for him.

She's ready to take him to the ice cream shop across from the park for two decadent scoops of raspberry sorbet on a cone next and later, once Red gets home, he'll read Sam an exciting story and tuck him into bed, and then Lizzie and him will talk grown up things while Red massages her ankles; the three of them maintaining this routine act of domesticity.

Only as she looks Sam is no longer there. The swing he plays on is now vacant and lonely, swinging back and forth with the breeze in the air. She looks around the play park wildly, muttering to herself under her breath all the while.

"You're always supposed to tell me where you're going before you go do it, Sam," she chides as if he's standing in front of her. "Now your daddy is totally going to lecture you once we're home."

She gets to her feet and walks around, swallowing hard. _He'll be here. He'll be around here somewhere._ Children laugh while building castles in the sandpit, others run around chasing each other, playing their little games but not one of them she recognizes as their boy. He's four-years-old. How far can he possibly wander?

She only looked away for a couple of minutes, trapped in her own world. Sam is a toddler. He can't have gotten that far.

Her heart clenches and she begins to feel dreadfully ill. Wonders if she's going to have a panic attack and pass out if he doesn't come back into view soon. Red isn't going to like hearing about this.

"Sam?" she starts to sing out, using advantage of her voice. She puts enough bite in it so Sam knows she's not impressed by his disappearing act and that he's _so gonna get it _once they reach home. She screams out his name a second time and... nothing.

_Nothing at all_ from him in the park.

Gone. Vanished with the wind.


End file.
